Who knew
by Johnnie Chaos
Summary: The rocket gang in highschool is much more diffrent than elementary.. Love, drugs and much more grown up.
1. The beach

She breathed heavily as her eyes began to close. Her heart that pounded in her chest quickened in pace. The whole world was spinning and she did not know how she came to be in this position once more. She heard water trickling on the side of her, is that the ocean? Her limp body slowly began to gave out as she knew her last breath was near. "Someone, please help me. Anyone." She thought to herself, praying that someone, just someone out there would hear her. Wailing sirens flooded Ocean Shores. Did someone find her, or was it just another prank call. The sirens faded into the distance, they weren't for her. She groaned in agony, her body had begun to shake. The shivers felt as if little needles were jabbed into her skin and wiggled every few moments. It was painful. A small voice emerged over the splashing water. "Pleassssse help." She thought. She worked up all of her energy.

"Help." Her voice cracked, she wasn't sure if she was heard or not.

"Dude, did you hear that?" A voice came from behind her. She heard muffled footsteps in the sand. "LARS! GET OVER HERE!" The voice screamed. A hand touched her face. It was warm. She could hear sand whipping in all directions. Someone was running. Her eyes were closed and she couldn't see. Was it Lars? Her eyes peeked open to see the slim, athletic face of Lars Rodriguez. He stared at her with sorrow and turned away.

"Twist. Call an ambulance and tell them we are under the pier. Okay?" Lars sounded calm, but serious. Twister nodded and walked out from under the pier to get a signal.

"We have uhhh.. Reggie Rocket, I mean we found her.. Can you send an ambulance, she's hurt. No, I'm umm fine." He shut his phone and ran back under the pier. "Will she be okay Lars?" He had a hopeful look in his eyes, as he stroked her gentle face.

"I don't know Twist. I just don't know." A tear slid down Lars's cheek as he gazed at the girl he once loved.

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A/N: That is the intro to the story, chapter 1 will be muchhh longer, but please R&R and tell me what you think. 


	2. Smokey days

Chapter 2

(Lars's POV)

I sat at the kitchen table obsorbing everything in my house. My father was the first to come down. Oh dad, since you cheated with your secretary this family has never been the same. Do you remember half of the things you did when you were drunk? No, of course not, you were too busy beating up my mother. Twister and I could hear her crying from our rooms. I remember it all.

"Shit. Hijo, run up stairs and grab my briefcase, eh?" His heavy brown eyes stared at me and i jumped out of thinking. I walked up the stairs and grabbed the brief case sitting on the countertop of the bathroom. I could see into Twister's room and saw him hanging off his bed with drool coming from his mouth. I chuckled a bit and banged the brief case on his door. He jumped and hit his head on his head board and let out a loud cry. I laughed harder and headed down the stairs. I handed the brief case to my father and he ran towards the door.

"Your welcome, ass." I whispered under my breath, as he ran out of the door. Twister came down the stairs rubbing his head.

"Your the ass." He screamed. Ah, little Twister, how you have grown. I remember you being little and sooo gullible. Now you are big and gullible. Now he is about 6 foot 5 and very slim. He had the eyes of my father, dark and heavy. His hand groped his head and he flinched, tossling his long dark brown skater boy hair out of his eyes. "That hurt Lars."

"Aww 'lil baby Twister is hurt. Lets call mommy down here and fix it." I teased. He grinded his teeth, looked away and walked into the kitchen. I won this battle. I strode into the kitchen after Twister and grabbed my car keys, well truck keys.

"Lars. Are you leaving?" Twist asked.

"Naw, bro, i'm taking it out for a spin. Yeah, i'm leaving." Twister dumped out his cerea. He ran upstairs and emerged a few minutes later, his hair a bit more tame, you could say. A Black volcom hoody rested on his torso and green laces were hanging out of his hoody pocket.His green shorts sagged to his knees and his ankle socks were as green as his shorts. He slipped his vans on and followed me to my truck. I was now his ride.

He hopped into my black, 1987 Dodge Dakota Se pickup truck. I love my truck. I worked and slaved for it and I finally got it after two years of hard work. Finally. Twister carelessly put his feet on the dashboard and began to lace his shoes.

"Dude, if you want a ride to school, I'd take the feet off the dash and keep quiet." He stared at me for a minute and then began lacing his vans again.

"I can't wait to see Otto's face." Twister smiled. I stayed silent, but he continued. "Reg had a sleepover last night, with Brandi, Catie and Nikkie, and i said if he can make out with any of them, then i will do anything, but if he loses." He started to snicker a little. " Then he has to wear one of Reggie's thongs to school." He burst out into laughter. I couldn't help but to smirk. Otto Rocket, the only other kid in the neighborhood that stood up to me. The big shot, perfect dude, wearing a thong. I smiled. HAHAAAA

I turned off the radio and popped in a random C.D. from my case. It was Marilyn Manson. I turned it to Disposable Teens and smiled once more. I turned it up so loud that Twister winced. But I didn't care, this is what i always do in the morning.

"And i'm a black rainbow,and an ape of god, I've got a face thats made for violence upon, and i'm a teen distortion-" I began to hum. We were finally at school. I replayed the song twice before we arrived. Twist jumped out of my truck and ran over to Otto. I smiled and walked past him to Reggie and Brandi. Reggie's purple hair rippled from the wind, and her eyes brightened when she saw me. Brandi aknowledged me with a nod and walked away. She ran over to Nikkie and jumped on her. Soon Reg and I joined Nikkie and Bran and they were all smiling and laughing about last night.

"Reg!" Otto yelled from behind us. Her face twisted into a small frown as she turned.The whole group whipped around to meet eyes with him. "Geeze, you guys aren't Reg. Reg I need to talk to you over here." He grabbed her arm and she flinched. Nobody realized she had flinched except for me. He started to yell at her as I ran over to her and gently tugged on her other arm to get to class. Her face was red, but she wasn't yelling back at him. She was so happy earlier, and now she's like this. We walked deeper into the school and finally reached her class.

"You okay, Reggie?" I asked, as i looked into her watery green eyes. She turned her head away from me and nodded. "Alright, see you later, Reg." I gave her a small hug and she went into her class room. Nikkie stood behind me with worried look written on her face.

"What's wrong with her Lars?" She asked. I shrugged.

"Otto said somethin' to her, I guess." Her face continued to look worried. "I don't know. Hey, we better get to class, we can't be late for woodshop. Mr.Telle said we have to start our projects today." She smiled and pushed her blonde hair streaked with pink out of the way. I swear, she is the only one that could pull that off. It looked amazing. Her smile just added to everything, it topped it off.

We were two doors away from the class, and finally there. There were a few stools left and we grabbed the ones next to Mr. Telle. He had a bean bag board infront of us. Our assignment was to make bean bag boards. The bell finally rang, as i headed out the door. Study hall is next. Psht, screw that. I walked towards the entrance of the school and walked out. I don't feel like being here.

I came closer and closer to my truck and i was finally there. I grabbed for a small bag in my glove box and my fingers twisted around a small joint in the bag. I snatched the lighter out from under the seat and inhaled. This was amazing. I was waiting for this. I exhaled and kept going. I needed to finish this. Twist would end up stealin it if i didnt. But i did. I accomplished finishing all six rolled joints in the small ziploc bag. My mind was calm and no longer racing. I felt relaxed. I walked back into school and said there was a problem with my truck. They believed me, stupid people.

Fifth period finally came. Lunch. I sat in my usual chair and put my head on the cold lunch table. I closed my eyes and felt relieved. Nikkie sat next to me and frowned. She sniffed once and looked at me. She whispered to me.

"Lars? Did you smoke?" I smiled and exhaled. I lifted up my head and my eyes locked with hers.

"Wha- do I soun-d stoned or suttin." I smiled again and she gave me a harsh look.

"You did. Reggie just stopped and you have to be an ass and do this. I swear if she finds out, who knows. But still. Why would- I mean how could you?" She stared at me. I didnt know what to say. All i could was be was speechless.

_I wanna thank you ,mom, I wanna thank you Dad,for bringing this fucking world to a bitter end. I never hated one true god, but the god of the people i hated._


	3. Pink thong

**Chapter 3**

Twister's POV

YES lunch is finally here! 5th period. I love 5th period. This is where we are more than halfway through the day. Only 2 classes left and we can go home. Lars and Nikkie are already at the table. Nikkie is turned away from him, why? They are usually talking about something or other. I wonder what's wrong. Someone grabbed my wrist and i whipped around. It was Bran, she wasn't smiling like usual.

"Leave 'em alone, Twist. You don't want to get in that." She gave me a little smile. I looked down and her hoody sleeves were pushed up, revealing old scars. She released my wrist, but I did not move.

"Where are you sitting?" I asked. She smiled and took hold of my wrist once more and led me to her table. She had diffrent people sitting with her everyday, she knew all of them too. She basically knew the whole school. Today the lead quarter back was sitting next to her, and two of his friends. The others at the table where random people from marching band, and Sammy. Sammy had really grown over the years. He was finally tall, he is about 6 foot. He is definately not taller than me or Otto, but he is almost there. He is tall next to Brandi. Poor girl, shes only about 5'2. In our group she is the shortest, but she is the loudest. A smile crossed Sammy's face as she sat down. His muscular face had now come into tact. Sammy had lost all of his baby fat and replaced it with muscle. He was still the good old squid, but more buff. Haha. Otto soon joined us and he sat on the other side of Bran. She frowned and looked at me.

"Twist, I really like your hoody." She smiled and admired the black and green.

"Eh, it was clean, and Lars didn't steal it yet, so i wore it." She giggled and Otto rolled his eyes.

"Twister, dude, We should party at my house Saturday. The girls are coming back over and they will probably be boring. Wanna come over?" I smiled and remembered that he was wearing Reggie's pink thong.

"We didn't seem that boring when you-" Brandi started saying, but Otto cut her off.

"Yeah, you guys were boring. So Twist is comin' over." I smiled and looked at him again.

"Yeah, but I have a question for ya, Otto." I couldn't help but grin.

"Shoot" He said, with a wondering look on his face.

"Hows your underwear?" I asked, his face turned bright red. Everyone looked at him with wondering looks.

"Shut up, Twist." He whispered. I laughed and dropped it.

"Alright, so Saturday, Ottoman? I'll bring my board, and we can tear up madtown and the beach." He nodded and sighed, I guess he was happy I dropped the thong thing. Haha, god if everyone knew. They probably will, seeing as we have gym next.

We ate our lunch and shuffled to our next class. Otto walked slowly and as if he had a major wedgie. I pushed open the door to the locker room and opened the big locker next to my small one. I took off my hoody and Otto was next to me.

"What's wrong Otto?" I asked sarcastically, with a large grin on my face. His face turned red and he gave me those evil eyes.

"Nothin'." He frowned again and turned away. "You know, I think I'll just stay in these shorts for gym, yeah. Hah thats what I'll do." He smiled and took off his shirt. The strings of the thong were visible. They rested on the lines of his hips still showing, his shorts were a little lower. Sam grinned and snapped the showing stap. Otto let out a yelp and then gasped.

"Nice thong Otto!" Sam shouted. The guys around us started laughing and Otto turned bright red. He hurried up and threw his yellow gym shirt on. He ran out of the door, walked into the gym, and sat up against the wall. I smiled. Everyone knows by now. I kinda feel bad for the kid, but hey, he's humiliated me many times before. Its finally time he gets a taste of his own medicine.

[Lars's Pov

So everyone know's about Otto's thong, its the last period of the day. Hey I didn't say anything. I feel like crap. I don't know. The high is definately gone. I feel awful. I betrayed Reggie, and all of my friends. I basically promised them I wouldn't smoke anymore. It was just so tempting. The smell, the taste and the high. I missed it all. Walter was in the parking lot yesterday, with some. I was waiting for Twist to get out of detention with Otto and i was their ride home. Walter was my dealer before, he had the best kind. His car was next to mine, he was waiting for his girlfriend. The smell caressed my nose like a soft tissue. My eyes wandered over to him as he gently puffed the joint. I smiled and licked my lips hoping to get some of the taste, but i did not succeed. When he offered me some, I couldn't resist. I hid it in my glove box, hoping Twist wouldn't find it. He never did, thank god. I looked over at Brandi, she sits next to me in Geometry. I looked at her arms. They were so small, she looked as if she was a small freshman, nobody would guess she was a junior. Her hoody was pushed up against her forearm, revealing now whitening scars. I could almost make out the words she once carved into her arm. One was Starless. That's one of the only words I could make out. It has meaning behind it, trust me. Meaning i do not know much about. She never really speaks of it, if i bring it up. It is a song by crossfade, that is all i know of its relevance.

She looked over at me and smiled. Her teeth were almost perfect now. The silver shimmer in her mouth showed braces. She just had a small over bite. She's getting her braces off this month. Brandi turned back to her geometry book and continued to bite on her pencil. Her brown hair was in her face as she concentrated on a geometry problem. Her blue eyes sparkled in the light, turning a light greyish color. I turned back to my book and folded my arms. I put my head in my arms and closed my eyes. If only she knew what i had done earlier in the day, she would hate me. I wonder if she does know?

I lifted my head and ripped off a piece of notebook paper. I scribbled something on the paper and passed it to her. Her face remained constant. What is she thinking?

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A/N: hmm what should the note say? R&R please. andddd hmm who is crushing on who? Find out next chapter, most likely being posted tomorrow 


	4. Wade in the water

Brandi's POV

I felt someone's eyes on me once more. You know that feeling. You don't even have to look and you can just tell. I looked over at Lars. It was him. I smiled gingerly towards him and went back to our homework. Ms. Sagen said it wasnt due until Friday, but it was a large packet, and I don't really want any homework. I continued to bite my pencil. Geeze, this is an awful habit I need to break. I put my pencil on my desk and began tapping my nails. Another habit I need to break. A note was pushed in front me. I looked at the hand writing, It was Lars's. I began to read and gasped. I looked over to him to see two new cuts on his arm. He wasn't covering it, he was showing it to me. They were quite deep. The note read

"IDk wats going on anymore. I like Nikkie, but I think I love Reggie. Twister is giving me shit about Otto or something, Idk. My parents are probably getting a divorce, and ill have to deal with my shitty dad. I cant handle things anymore. I did something last night, I thought you could help me. Seeing as you have too..." I sighed and gawked at his arm. The two cuts were quite deep and long, it looks as if he added one this morning. The bell was about to ring in a few minutes. Thank god we are going home, that's all I have to say. I handed the note back to him, but I did not write anything back. There was honestly nothing to say to that. He looked at me and wrote something back down. He threw the note back at me and I jumped.

"Need a ride home? Mayb we can talk bout stuff." I read it and smiled. Eh I could skip the bus ride home. After all I only live on the other side of Otto. I moved into Stimpleton's house two years ago. Poor man had a heart attack, and the Stimpleton's moved to New York with their family. My dad said it would be a good buy, with the pool and all, so we moved from Illinois to Ocean Shores. My mom has been gone for a while, I have very few memories of her. From what dad tells me is that she wanted nothing to do with us, so she left. So, we came to Ocean Shores for a fresh start. The bell rang and I got up from my chair.

"Yeah, why not." I grinned at Lars and he showed me to his car. We finally got to his car and he searched for Otto and Twist. They finally rode up to his truck and hopped into the back. I jumped into the truck. Damn, why do I have to be so short. They laughed a little as I jumped. I turned and gave them an evil glare and they shut up.

"How was school thongboy?" I giggled and faced forward. Lars smiled and pulled out of the parking space. He then drove out of the school's lot and headed home.

"It was fine fairy princess." The boys in the back giggled, and we finally pulled into our culdesac.

"Swim team practice today, Bran?" Lars asked. I smiled.

"Naw, coach gave us the day off." I grabbed my bag.

"Wanna go to the beach?" He asked, This was his way to talk.

"Yeah. Let me just change, and i'll meet you at your house." Lars nodded and I jumped out of his car and walked to my house. I opened my front door to reveal an empty house, like usual. I jogged up to my room and opened my dresser. I threw my shirt and bra off and put on my light blue bikini top. I took off my shorts and slid on the matching pair of light blue trunks. I tossed my hair into a messy bun and grabbed a towel. I ran back down the stairs and left my dad a note on the table. "Dad went to the beach with the guys, call the cell when you get home." I ran back up the stairs and grabbed a beach bag and put my towel and phone inside. I flipped on a pair of blue flip flops and I was ready to go. I opened the front door and walked outside. The boys were already dressed and in the truck once more.

"Fairy princess is hot." I heard Otto whisper to Twist as I got closer to the truck. I hopped into the truck once more, and looked over to Lars. He was smiling, but it seemed to be a fake smile. I'm suprised nobody had noticed his cuts, after all he was only wearing black trunks. He parked in a spot close to the sand and we all hopped out of the truck. Otto and Twist raced eachother to Raymundo's shack to pick up their surf boards. I don't really surf, I was never taught how. I just love to swim. Lars and I walked onto the sand. I put my bag down in the sand and took off my flipflops. I dug my toes into the sand and smiled. I love the beach. Twist and Otto were nowhere to be seen. I turned to Lars.

"Why did you?" I asked, I couldnt help it. I looked at his arm and couldn't help but notice the fairly new cuts to his arm.

"My dad." He began. He wanted to say more, but he remained silent. He put his head on my shoulder and sat there. I patted his long brown hair. We sat there for quite a long time, until my shoulder began to ache, but I pushed through the pain, he needed me. He finally lifted his head and my shoulder throbber. I smiled to him and he turned completely towards me.

"What did your dad do?" I couldn't help but ask him. I have heard a few stories, but he never finished them.

"Nothing, it's nothing." He stared out into the swirling waves and a creepy smile swept across his face. It was like a fake smile, but he was trying to hard. "Wanna go swim?" He was avoiding the subject, once more.

"Yeah. Lets go." We both got up and brushed the sand off of us, and slowly walked over to the crashing waves. My toes crunched the wet sand, tickling them. I waded into the water with Lars, we were now waist deep. I dove head first and began to swim out deeper and deeper. I heard Lars's splashes behind me, as we swam. We were now past the point where our feet could touch the ground. I didnt hear Lars behind me, anymore. I turned and looked around for Lars. He was nowhere to be seen...

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A/N: Any idea whats happening next? I sure don'ttt, gunna write soon, i promiseeeee 


	5. Admitting certain things

Lars's Pov

We began to swim into the water. I was always a great swimmer, always. I think I even taught Reggie how to swim. We swam out further and further and I began to sink. I didn't want to do anything about it.

I liked my head falling below the water and not coming back up until I needed to. Then a thoughtoccurred to me. Who wanted me here anyways? Who really cares? Nobody, thats who. Reggie probably hates me right now for breaking my promise, I don't want to end up hurting Nikkie, and I definately don't want to hurt Brandi. Brandi is my best friend right now. My head fell below the surface and my hair became wet. I came up for air,water dripping off my head and back into the ocean. My arms grew tired and I dont feel like fighting things anymore. I am sick of my dad, brother and everyone who just hates me. I am sick of everything. I just-

Water flooded into my nose as I sunk. My eyes closed, I did not want to see this world that Iwant to leave. I continued to sink as my lungs began to burn. I had to be at least 12 feet down in the water by now. I opened my eyes and the salt water entered my eyes, making them hurt a little more than expected. I continued to sink, exhaling everylast breath I could, hoping, just hoping that everything would come to an end. I could only hope. The world would be better without me in it. I hit the ground and sat there, I honestly don't want to be here, and nobody wants me here. I'm only going to end up hurting more people.

I could no longer feel anything, I was starting to feel numb, and i liked it. I wanted to "go" peacefully. All went black, just as i expected it to. Goodbye hell, maybe heaven will be better...

**Brandi's POV**

I looked around once more, Lars was not in sight. Where is he? I hesitated a moment to see if he would come up for air, and he didnt. I looked behind me and all i saw was water, and a little bit of land. Then i saw bubbles emerge from the water, it was Lars.

I turned and dove under, feeling around for him, hopefully i'd find him. No luck. I opened my eyes and kept swimming, nothing. I was now at the bottom and i still saw nothing. I swam a little towards shore and i finally found something. It was Lars. I grabbed his arm and yanked him up to the surface. I could finally breath, but im not sure Lars could. I swam as fast as i could back to sure, but i was so tired. I wanted to give up, but i couldnt Lars is my bestfriend, I couldnt let him die. Come on Bran, swim a little faster, get back to shore, you can make it. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out as we got near. Otto and Twist were just staring as i waded through the water, dragging Lars behind. Otto ran towards me and stared at me in awe.

"What happened? Brandi, what happened?" He kept asking. Otto dragged Lars into the sand and put his ear next to his mouth. "Brandi, you have to do cpr. You are the only one that knows it. Come on, i'll do the compressions, just breathe."

Otto started the compressions and told me when to plug his nose and breathe into his mouth. It was like I was kissing my bestfriend. My eyes flooded with tears, i couldnt do this. I went down one last time and plugged his nose and Lars started to cough. Water shot out of his mouth as he turned to his side, coughing frantically.

"LARS! I'm SO sorry, its my fault, i shouldnt have swam that far out, I dont know what i was thinking. Oh my god, i could have killed you." I grabbed onto him and wouldnt let go. I needed him, I needed my best friend, i couldnt live without him and I almost killed him.

What kind of friend am I...

I turned and looked to Otto, he was on his cell phone calling an ambulance for the hospital, and then i looked for Twister. Where is he? He was with Otto before? My eyes were so cloudy from crying, i couldnt tell. I looked at Lars and just broke down, i couldnt stop crying.


	6. A twist in my life

**Twister's POV**

Lars did this on purpose.. Its seriously my fault. If i didnt bug him and stuff this morning, he wouldnt have done this. If i wouldnt have been, uh just nevermind. It's my fault. I was now almost home. I ran. I couldnt be there at the beach, I couldnt. I wanted to just get away. I love my brother but he could be dead right now and i'm not there for him. I'm not there at all. I'm never there for him. I noticed the cuts on his arm today, I didnt say anything. I figured it was a phase or something just like my cousin's was. I didnt think he was suicidal. If Lars lives through this they will send him to the looney bin for sure.. Those cuts were really deep. Oh god, this is my fault.

I sat down on the curb and rubbed my eyes with my palms. My eyes began to water, i was pressing down too hard. I released my hands and just let me head hang low, nearly resting on them.

I am the worst brother alive. I am just sitting here while my brother is fighting for his life. I am just sitting here. I heard heavy feet pounding on the pavement ahead of me. I looked up and it was Otto. He stopped a few feet short of me.

"Dude, he's okay. Bran is staying with him, and they are taking him to the hospital for tests to makes sure he's okay." He said in heavy, chopped up breaths. I looked to him and turned away. I couldn't look at Otto, I just couldnt. I still am the worst.

"Why do you think he did it, Otto?" I put my head back down, I didnt want Otto to see me cry. It's just weird. Otto sat there for a minute and didn't respond.

"Uhh, Reg doesnt love him back." He said. My head shot up revealing my tearstained face.

"WHAT?" I screamed and stared at Otto. "Are you kidding me, he wouldn't do this because of that. That's insane. Thats just- No. He wouldnt do that." My head went back into my hands and i pulled my knees in. I couldnt help this. My big brother attempted suicide, because of me. He wanted to drown. He wanted to die and it was all my fault. I cant take this, i just cant. I got up and looked at Otto again. He's never seen me like this before, ever. I turned away and ran. I'm not sure where im going, but i'm running. I need to get away from this. I just want to get away.

**Lars's POV**

I looked to my left and I saw a grey hospital door, I must be in Silver Cross. I heard a small, girlish sob echo from the bathroom and i jumped. Who was it? I heard a subtle sniff and out stepped Brandi from behind the door.

"Lars, you're awake." She rubbed her eyes, to make it look like she was tired. "I-"

"Why have you been crying, you know i'm okay." I asked. She shouldnt be crying. She glared at me and sat down at the foot of my bed. I scooted up a few inches so she would have more room, but she didnt budge. "Bran, it's okay. I'm fine, I promise." I reassured her.

"No Lars, you aren't okay. Otto told me this wasnt an accident, it was on purpose." There was silence between us. "Why, Lars? Why?" Her eyes began to water again. I didn't want her to cry, I can't stand it. A tear slid down her cheek.

"Come on, Bran. Don't cry, please dont." I patted the spot next to me. She looked at me again and cuddled up next to me. I held onto her as she continued to cry.

"Lars, you-are-" Sniff "my best friend, and I just-" sniff "cant stand the fact of losing you." She nudged her face sort of into my side and began to sob. They were muffled from my hospital gown, but they were still loud. I moved her face and looked her in the eyes.

"Bran, i know, Its okay, nothing like this will happen again, okay. I promise." She sniffed one last time and halfway smiled. Her eyes sparkled the same grey as they did in Geometry, but even more. I moved some of the hair from her face and looked at her with a smile. It was a creepy smile I always did to make her laugh. She giggled a bit and hugged me again. I looked down at her again. God she looks so pretty and small. She just looks like the little broken angel my mom had from my dad. He gave her one her birthday a few years back. Her face looked like a tanned angel with freckles. Her eyes big pools of grey, just looking down from heaven. I then did it.

I did something i could later regret or be happy about. Something that could ruin us being friends, or tighten the friendship even more. I kissed her.


	7. The room

**Otto's POV**

I paced in the hall of Silver Cross, what am I supposed to do? My best friend just broke down and ran away from me, and his brother attempted suicide. Should I walk into his room? I have no idea. What would I say? Hey Lars, i'm sorry you attempted suicide and by the way, your brother had a break down and I have no clue where he is. Hah, okay. What the hell, that wouldnt work. I don't know. Should I go in there? Ahh his room is right there.. Room 226, its right there, in those white little numbers on the black backround.

I stepped one foot forward and then froze like a deer in headlights. I can't. I just can't. I returned to pacing back and forth and thought more about what to say. Each pace, I inched closer and closer to the door, as if centipeding my way over. I finally got close enough to hear voices in his room. One was a girl, it sounded like she was crying. Lars was talking too. God, I can't figure out who it is. Is it Nikkie or Brandi, i'm not sure, but they sound so god damn close.

"No Lars, you aren't okay. Otto told me this wasnt an accident, it was on purpose." She said. God who is this. Brandi was there, and I told Nikkie about it after I called the ambulance. I talked to Brandi and Nikkie today.. Silence then filled the room, it was one of those akward silences. I heard a few sniffs, she was probably starting to cry again. Lars got sick of the silence and opened his mouth.

"Come on, Bran. Don't cry, please dont." A HA! It is Brandi I knew it. Should I go in there? I hate to see her cry. Actually i've never seen her cry. Should i peek in and help her? I don't know, i want to be there for her.

"Lars, you-are-" Sniff "my best friend, and I just-" sniff "cant stand the fact of losing you." I heard her sob even louder and that tempted me to jump in even more, but i shouldnt. They are having a friend to friend, she needs him right now. I'll swoop in for the sort of future boyfriend and future girlfriend kind of talk later.

"Bran, i know, Its okay, nothing like this will happen again, okay. I promise." Her sobbing then quieted a little and she started giggling. I loved her giggle. It always made me smile. Nothing could brighten up a day more than her giggle. I tried listening in, but there was silence. I want to peek in, but I dont know, do I want to? I have no idea, uhhg. I glanced into the plain white room. I looked at the television. It was turned on, but the volume was muted. I finally saw a curtain, dang it. The curtain was covering them. I slowly walked into the room and peered from the curtain. I couldnt believe what I saw. My stomach turned and I walked out of the room, just as quietly as I walked in.

How could she do this to me, I thought we had something. Her little sarcastic remarks were like come on's to me. I can't take this. Lars is supposed to be in love with Reggie. That's what it's supposed to be. He can't just be screwing around with my sister's feelings, or the girl i like most.

_I had the notion that  
you'd make me forget the world  
But your undecisive mind  
shows me that you are just another girl  
I had the feeling that those  
looks you gave me were real  
What if I ripped your heart apart at the seams  
maybe then you'd know how I feel  
_

I headed toward the double doors, which opened up to the back elevator. I figured if it was best that i was unseen. As soon as i touched the knob two doctors bursted through the door with a gurney of a young girl on it. She looked about the same age as me, Her black hair was matted with sweat, and he clothes were covered in her own vomit. Her face was porcelin white and was dripping with sweat. I felt bad for her.

"Heroin over dose." The guy next to me mumbled. I turned to him, man he was tall. He had on a black volcom t-shirt, with black basketball shorts. He had a grimace on his face as he turned to watch the girl being dragged down the hall.

"What? She's so young, shes like my age, man." I said and followed the cart with my eyes. They were finally out of sight and i turned back to him. He was messing with his hair, he was trying to get it out of his glasses and eyes.

"I overheard the paramedics on my way up. I just came to see Lars. You know him?" He asked.

"Yeah, I wouldn't go in there right now though, he's having personal time with his girlfriend." I scoffed and started to walk away from him.

"Wait, I'm Sean. I'm a friend of his, I can't be here long, can you give this to him for me?" I looked down and he was holding a small box. I debated for a minute, yeah I could give it to him. I could wait for Brandi to leave and bitch the shit out of him and then give it to him afterwards. I smiled and let him drop the box into my hand. "Thanks, man. This means alot to me, I have to be at a gig in about a half hour. Make sure it gets to him, okay?" I nodded, watching him jog down to the elevator and he disappeared.

I slowly walked over to the wall next to Lars's room and put my back against it. The cold hard wall felt good on the back of my head. I have a headache. I slid down the wall and ended up sitting with my knees up to my chest. I rested the small box on the floor next to me, put my hands on my knees and rested my head on them. What is in the box? Hmm I want to know, but I didnt want Lars to know that I had opened it.

I heard small feet pound on the pavement. I lifted my head and saw Brandi stumble out of the room, crying. I got to my feet and she ran right into me. I caught her as she cried into my chest. She buried her head deeper into my chest and her cries were muffled. I put my hand on the back of her head and patted her hair.

"It's okay, Bran. Come on, go to the car and i'll meet you there, okay?" She peeled herself off of my shirt and nodded. God she looked horrible, but beautiful at the same time. Mascara ran down her face, but her grey eyes seemed to transform into a deep blue. I turned away as she headed down to the elevator.

I looked down and picked up the tiny box. I hesitated at the door. What do I honestly say?

* * *

**A/N: hmm what should be in the box?  
this could go anywhere, man :D  
why did she leave crying?  
whooooo knowssss  
suggestions would be neato :D**


	8. fat lip

**Brandi's POV**

I looked up at Lars with tears in my eyes and he kissed me. He is honestly my bestfriend, what do I do? Do I like him back? Do I kiss him back? I just saved him from killing himself, maybe he is confused. I slowly kissed him back and he rolled me onto my back and started kissing my neck.

"Lars, what are you doing?" I whispered. His hand slowly moved down to my shorts and he started to tug them down. "Lars, come on, no." I pushed him up and he looked down at me in confusion. He moved off of me and sat on the edge of his bed. He ran his fingers through his hair and rested his head in his hands. I got up, crawled over to him and traced shapes on his back. That always calmed him down. He looked at me, his eyes bloodshot, and his lips trembling.

"I don't know, Bran. I don't know what I want. I honestly did want to die in the water. Things just-" He took a deep breath, he didn't want to cry infront of me. "Things just got so bad, and I get so confused. Like, I love Reggie, and I like Nikkie, but you are my bestfriend, but sometimes it feels like you are more, and you can actually be there for me. I don't want to tear us apart, but I need to figure this out." He calmed down a bit. He loved when I traced shapes on his back.

"This won't tear us apart, Lars, It wont, I promise." Frustration and anger filled him inside and he gawked at me.

"You honestly don't know, Bran. You don't. Tomorrow I could be in love with you and you can't sit there and say the same for me. Tomorrow I could love Nikkie and want to be with her. Better yet, tomorrow I can attempt suicide and actually go through with it and not have you there to save me. Yeah, Bran, I did this on purpose. I hate my life. I honestly wish i couldn't feel anything right now. I wish I had my blade so I could just end it here." He smirked and my eyes began to water again.

"Take that back, Lars. Take it back!" My voice began to raise, as anger filled every cavity of my being.

"No, Bran. It's true. I don't want to be -." I grabbed his face and kissed him again, but this time it was a kiss of fury and anger. He flipped me on my back again and he reached for my shorts again. This time I let him continue. He kissed me back even harder, and bit my lip. I swear he busted it open, but i didnt pay attention to that. His fingers ran down my side and finally to my last layer. He peeled my underwear down and kissed me even harder. I flinched but he didnt notice. He continued kissing me and finally thrust in, my body jerked backwards a bit and my head hit the backboard of the bed. I groaned in pain, my head was throbbing. I pushed him off and put everything back on.

"Lars, I can't. You can't. We just can't." He turned towards me with tears in his eyes.

"Just leave, I can't deal with this right now. Bran, I can't, just leave, okay?" He started to turn over to his side, as I slid off his bed.

"Lars, I'm sorry." I sobbed. I slid totally off the bed and my feet pattered on the ground. I ran into the hall and ran head on into Otto. I buried my face into his chest. There i was, standing in a hall in a bikini top and shorts sobbing into one of my close friend's chest. Otto rubbed my back and then pulled me off him.

"Bran, go wait in the car, I'll be there in a sec, okay?" I nodded and started to walk down to the elevator. What does this mean? What am I supposed to do about this. I just don't know. I pressed the down button on the elevator and I heard a loud scream from down the hall. I ran back down the hallway, the sound of my feet pounding against the tile floor echoed through the hallway. I finally jumped through the doorway. I could taste the blood from my lip now, and it started to sting. Otto was ontop of Lars basically choking him. I ran over to Otto and attempted at yanking him off of Lars, but all he did was one simple push and I was against the wall.

"Otto, stop this!" I screamed and ran to him again. I grabbed ahold of his arm and pulled. He weighed at least two hundred pounds of muscle, and i'm only one hundred and ten. I yanked as hard as I could, but still no luck. Otto continued to choke Lars and now Lars's face was turning a slight blue. "Otto STOP HE'S TURNING BLUE!" I screamed. Otto turned and backhanded me. His hand felt like needles stabbing me in the face as i fell to the floor. Otto just hit me. Finally four nurses came in and got Otto off of Lars, Lars just sat there, motionless. All I could do was cry. I couldn't stop. They dragged Otto outside of the room and made him sit there, until his father could pick him up. I slowly got up as Lars turned to me. He gazed at my face and gave me a frightend look.

"What?" I asked. Opening my mouth hurt, I flinched again, not even realizing it.

"Bran, you're bleeding." I attempted to smile, but it hurt to much. It didnt matter if I was bleeding, none of it did.

"Honestly Lars, it doesn't matter if i'm bleeding or get the shit beat out of me again, this isn't new to me, remember?" He frowned and looked past me. "Lars, just promise me you wont do this again, okay?" I begged. There was a long pause and I headed for the door.

"I can't do that.." He said slowly. I turned and cocked my head to where I could still see him.

"If you care for me, Nikkie, or Reggie in the least, you will promise me this." I sounded harsh, but I knew it would get to him. I started to walk forward a little more, and he sighed.

"Fine, I promise, Bran." I finally left room 226 that day. Blood ran down my face, but I felt better than ever. I could feel the pain, but honestly that didn't matter to me right now. Otto got up and looked at me.

"You okay?" He asked, not looking at me, but his eyes remained fixed on a tile.

"No, Otto, I'm not okay. You hit me, thats not cool. Look at my face, Otto. Look." His eyes remained fixed until a few moments later. He slowly gazed up into my eyes and then my face. He flinched looking at my lip.

"Are you ready to leave, then?" Raymundo walked up behind Otto and didn't see my face. He finally looked up and jumped, but didnt say a word. "Brandi, do you need a ride home?" I nodded and followed them to Ray's car. The ride home was total silence, Otto did not peep, and I was too afraid to speak, Ray was just worried about both of us. He pulled into my drive way.

"Thanks, Mr. Rocket." I attempted to smile again, but my fat lip got in the way again, and i flinched. Ray half smiled back and Otto stared at the floor. He was speechless.


	9. Starless and faded

**Reggie's POV**

I walked into Lars's room and watched him look out of his window. I cleared my throat and he jumped and gawked at me. He sighed and returned to looking out of his window. The heels of my shoes clicked against the tile floor as I sat down in the chair next to his bed. I tapped my fingernails on the arm of the chair and stared at the back of his head.

"What do you want, Reg?" He mumbled, his eyes remaining on the window. I stopped tapping my nails on the arm of the chair and continued to stare. He finally turned and looked into my eyes. I just continued to stare, as if waiting for him to tell me something. He sighed and sat up, adjusting his back against two pillows and fixed his blanket. He examined a tube that was in his arm, it was so he wouldn't get dehydrated. "Seriously Reggie, what's up?" He asked again, raising an eyebrow as he said it. I looked down at my nails and back up to him. I brought my hand up to my mouth and began to chew on my index fingernail. Uhg, bad habit, I need to stop this. I brought my hand back down the the chair and my eyes remained on him.

"What did you do?" I asked him. He searched my face to find anger or sadness, but he didn't find it. He breathed in deeply and looked at his hands, which were on his lap.

"What do you mean?" He looked at me with a sort of sadness and regret in his eyes. He cleared his throat, his voice sounded hoarse, like he has been crying.

"You know what I mean. Why Brandi went home basically black and blue, and Otto isn't talking. Something happened, and I want to know what." Anger and frustration eased into my voice and started to rise. "Lars, what the hell happened?" I screamed and rose to my feet.

"Nothing." He muttered and turned away. I stomped up to his bed and stood right next to him.

"Did you do something to her, Lars?" I asked. He turned and looked to me in awe.

"No, that was your fucking brother. He hit her. Are you happy, Reg? He hit her, because she was trying to save me." He screamed at me and sat up. A vein on his neck began to pop out of his skin, it looked as if it was going to bust. I turned for the door in rage. I couldn't talk to Lars or Otto right now. How could they do that to her. I ran towards the elevator and pressed the down button. The elevator opened and I stepped in. A man and a woman were engadged in small talk, by the sound of it, he was pretty interested in her. I smacked the lobby button and stood in the back of the elevator. I was frustrated and angry. Why would Otto hit her? He's not like that, he just isnt. He can't be. Lars must have done something too, otherwise Otto wouldnt have done whatever he did. I hate not knowing. The elevator was finally to the lobby and everyone flooded out. I was the last one out. I walked out of the elevator and stepped onto the reddish carpet. In the chair by the reception desk was Twister. He sat there with his hands in his lap, messing with the button on his pocket.

"Twist?" I called to him and his head jerked up. He half smiled and looked at the elevator. "Going to see Lars?" I asked walking up and sitting next to him. He nodded and looked back down at the button. "Do you have any idea what's going on with Lars or Otto?" I hoped he knew but he shook his head. "Well Lars said Otto hit Brandi, and I saw her like ten minutes ago and the right side of her face is completely bruised and her lip is busted open. She looked pretty bad." Twister looked at me, suprised and opened his mouth.

"Otto did that to her?" His voice was raspy, and choppy. I nodded and gave him a worried look.

"Could you talk to Lars, and just ask him what happened? I'm really worried." He nodded once more and stood up. Geeze this boy is tall. I looked up and hugged him. "Thank you. Just call me when you leave and i'll meet you in the culdesac." He turned and walked into the elevator and gave off the sense of being scared. Poor Twist. He nodded and the elevator door closed. I walked to the car and hopped into Raymundo's car. He let me borrow it for now. I put my seatbelt on and turned on the car. How could everything turn to crap in like two days? Otto is becoming more agressive, he yells at me all the time and now he actually hit Brandi. He hit her. It wasn't a small slap either, it was an actual hit where it left her face blue. I'm not sure what happened to her lip, but her nose looked pretty bad too. I put my head on the steering wheel. The cool wheel felt nice against my hot forehead. I put the car in reverse and eased out of my parking spot. I put the car in drive and drove home. Secondhand Serenade was the c.d. I had in. The song I listened to on the way here was Fall for you.

_This is not what I intended  
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart  
You always thought that I was stronger  
I may have failed  
But I have loved you from the start_

I get bored with softer songs easily, but I love this song. I decided to put in crossfade. Brandi burned it for me, she was the one who really got me into them. She also got me into Metro Station, but that is a diffrent story. I pushed the purple, burned, Crossfade c.d. into my c.d. player and Starless began to blare. This was Bran's favorite song on this c.d.

_If only you could watch me fall  
I cannot feel it anymore  
The soul you cut the soul you adore  
Cannot feel you anymore  
Cause you've run through me with destructive force  
I think somehow I gotta get it straight  
I gotta get you out of me  
But I cannot get through to you  
_

Hm nobody knows how much I am falling right now. I know Lars smoked pot today. He doesn't know that I know, but he also doesn't know that I did too. Right after school, Otto chewed me out for it this morning, he knew i had some, but he didnt know when I would smoke it.

_See me I'm down and I get deeper with every breath  
See me I'm over the edge farther with every step  
See me I'm down and I get deeper with every breath  
Standing over the edge I'm taking my last breath_

None of them realize that I was offered heroin, too. Of course, I didn't do it, but I wanted to. I wanted to know what it was like. I was into pot before, and I quit. I quit for Lars.

_How I feel like I'm starless  
I'm ready to fade now  
And how I feel like I'm starless  
I'm hopeless and grayed out  
Somehow I feel like I'm starless  
I'm ready to fade now  
And now I feel like I'm starless  
I'm ready to burn out_

He couldn't quit for me, he doesn't love me enough. As a matter of fact, I dont even believe he loves me anymore. He said he did, but I don't believe him. I honestly don't.

_I gotta get you out of my veins  
I gotta get you out of my blood  
I gotta get you out of my scene  
I gotta get you out of me_

I was finally home, I wanted to talk to Otto, but there was no point. I turned the car around and went to Veronica's. She was the one I got the pot from. She was the one that offered me heroin. I might just take her up on that deal.

_What I'm really trying hard to get down to words  
Is the way I fit into this world  
Things I survived pushed me to the darker side  
Because of life as it was the life that was  
Yours should've never been mine  
But I never could take anymore of this  
Cause I'm always gonna get down to the floor  
It's a cold gun that I kiss  
'Cause I cannot break anymore_


	10. Holding on

**Twister's POV**

I sighed and got into the elevator. I rubbed my hands on my shorts, they were sweaty. I don't know why i'm nervous, he's my brother for gods sake. My whole body began to slightly shake. Uhg I need to stop. It's okay Twist, all you have to do is be straight up with him. Just ask what happened with him, Brandi and Otto. Thats all you have to do. I bit my lip until if began to sting, uhhg why did I do that? The elevator door slid open and I pushed my way through. I stopped and couldn't remember what room number he was in. I looked at my hand and the writing was smudged. Nikkie told me what room number he was in, she got it from Otto. I looked at my hand. FUCK what does it say? Is it 256, 229, or 226. I can't tell. I turned left and approached room 256. My feet clicked against the tiles and I rubbed my hands against my shorts again. I peered into the room and there was a woman on the bed. Well, Lars isn't a woman, so I walked down to 229. I looked into the next room, and again Lars wasn't there. AHH if he isnt in room 226 I'll ask someone. I looked around and walked into room 226. There he was, sitting there grinning at me.

"Glad you could make it, Twist." He grinned and looked at my hands. "Dude, What's wrong?" I frowned and wiped my hands on my shirt.

"Nothing Lars, So why are you glad i'm here." I looked down at the floor. I couldn't look at him. He knows something is wrong, and he would get it out of me eventually.

"No, Twist, Something is wrong. Come on lil bro, tell me." I sighed and looked back up at him.

"What happened, Lars?" I couldn't look at him. What did he do to her? He turned away and looked out the window.

"Great, you think this was my fault?" His voice began to rise. "I DIDNT HIT HER! OTTO DID! DONT BLAME THIS SHIT ON ME, MAURICE!" The blood vessel on his neck looked as if it were going to explode.

"No Lars, calm down. I'm not blaming this on you." Breathing heavily he layed down and looked up at the ceiling.

"Twist, I fucked up. I fucked up big time." He frowned and put his hands on his stomach. I looked at the fresh cuts on his arm, they were pretty deep.

"What happened?" I asked as calmly as I could. He closed his eyes. I'm not sure if he was trying to remember, or what.

"We.." He started, paused and then restarted. "Well, I kinda forced myself on her at first. But then it's kinda like she let me, but then she stopped me, and i made her leave. Then Otto came in and started choking me and I had no idea what was going on. She jumped on him to get him off of me and he hit her, like super hard. I felt bad for her because it was basically my fault, and then she brought up that it wasn't the first time she was hit and that made me feel worse." Nobody knows too much of her past, only Lars. Even Lars doesn't know half of it.

"Wasn't your fault, Lars. Otto just needs to be careful, he needs to control himself." I mumbled. I looked up and noticed a small black box sitting on the t.v. stand. "Hey Lars, was that there before?" He sat up onto his elbows and looked around.

"What?" He asked looking towards the door. I pointed at the box and he sat up all the way. "I dont think so, here, toss it to me." I got up and put the small box in my hand. It was so small, I wonder what was inside. I tossed the box to him. He hesitated for a moment and peeked inside. He gasped and closed it. Are those tears in his eyes? What the hell is in the box? I grabbed the box from his hands and cracked it open. Something glinted in the light but i't not sure what it is. I open the box all the way and it's Matt's dog tags, and guitar pic. I looked up at Lars and he was already crying. Matt was our cousin who had committed suicide two and a half months ago. He had just come home from Iraq and his fiancee had a baby on the way. Lars was closer to him than I was, but all in all we were close. I put the box on Lars's lap and he examined its contents with tears streaming down his face. First he took out the small green guitar pic. Matt always would play songs to us when we were little. Country, rock, or even alternative, what ever the genre he knew what to play. He would ask us what mood we were in and he'd grab his 'good ole pic' and start strumming away. That's the only thing we looked forward to when we went to my gran's house. The other object in the box was Matt's dog tags. He would always brag about them and show them off, he said he would get us a pair at one of those WalMart machines, but he never got to it. Lars picked up the tiny black box and placed both items back into its home. He traced his fingers over the edges of the box and laid back down. He turned his back to me and began to sob. I've never seen Lars this emotional before, like ever... I walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, kid. You'll pull through this." I patted his shoulder and he started to shiver. I pulled up the blanket, grabbed the box and slowly walked to the door.

_Would you let all your friends down?  
Is your love in drugs and money?  
Did you care enough?  
Not before you said  
It's not too late_

_We have waited all our lives  
To become something more than nothing  
Did you think more of us now?  
I said_

_It's not too late  
I'm not that scared  
Of it anymore  
Oh yeah  
That's why  
You are the voice of reason  
I know the reasons why  
We've covered up our treason  
Can't seem to find out why_

_So I'll take all your advice  
And I'll check to see if I'm running  
'Cause it's not like I can care enough  
It's not too late  
I'll pinch the mouse trap on this one  
I've had the most in on this one  
(You'll turn away, you'll turn away)  
I'll play my cards out on this hand  
I'll separate it while I can  
(You'll turn away, you'll turn away, you'll turn away, you'll turn away)_

_(You are the voice of reason)  
(I know the reasons why)  
You are the voice of reason  
I know the reasons why  
We covered up our treason  
Can't seem to find out why  
(I'm sick and tired of pulling down)_

"Twist?" I heard a small peep from his room, I turned my back and looked into his room again.

"Yeah, Lars?" I asked, holding the box in my hand.

"Could you stay with me for a bit, please?" He turned to me and smiled with his tear stained face. I nodded and sat right back down, where my brother needed me to be.


	11. Broken

**_OTTO'S POV_**

I paced around my room, thinking. Why did I do that? I hit a girl! The number one rule in Raymundo's book is never hit a girl. EVER. If Brandi tells Raymundo i'm going to be so grounded. I finally flopped down to my bed and sighed heavily. Everything is horrible right now. She just got me so mad, and she was there. I don't know how to explain it. I heart a subtle knock on the door and then it slowly creaked open. My dad peeked in and grimaced.

"Hey, Ottoman. Do you mind if we talk for a minute?" I nodded and he came into my room further. He glanced at the boxers and t-shirts carelessly tossed on the floor and had a slight look of disgust. The last time my dad was in my room was probably when he was giving me the serious talk about sex. Which was like 4 years ago. He sat down on the edge of my bed and rubbed the stubble on his neck. " I, uh, just wanted to ask you what happened earlier. You guys were so quiet, and you two usually never are. Just, honestly, tell me what's going on." He stared up for a response but I was quiet. "Otto, please tell me that you didn't hit her. That's all i'm asking." Silence filled the room again and he sighed. He was starting to get mad. He started breathing a little heavier and his fists balled up. "Seriously? I taught you better than that. Do you want to know how it feels to be helpless and get hit? You have no idea what that poor girl has been through and you go and hit her?" He was starting to get so mad. The veins in his neck and wrists were starting to pop out even more than they were when Reg and I made Sundaes all over the kitchen. I sighed and slid off my bed.

"Dad, you don't know what happened." I whispered and attempted to walk to the door. I felt my dad's tough grip rip at my shoulder as he yanked me back. I pushed forward only to be yanked back again.

"No matter what she did, she did NOT deserve that." His grip tightend as I tried to get away again. Pain shot through my shoulder and I flinched."Otto, unless you want the same thing you did to her, leave right now and apologize." He loosend his grip and I shrugged off his hand.I walked out of my room as fast as I could. I didn't want him catching up to me. That is the maddest i've seen my dad in awhile. I passed through the front door and sat on the curb. What should I say to her? I don't even know if she is home. I looked up at her window and saw her t.v. on. She must be upstairs. I got up and strode over to her door. Her dad usually isn't home right now and I just walk in as it is. I wonder what my dad meant by all that she's been through. I gazed up at her window again, I was finally at her front door. I pushed it open and stomped up the stairs. Hesitating at her door, I finally nudged the door open and saw her standing there. Her figure was only wrapped in a towel, she was grabbing something off her desk and turned to see me. She jumped and put her hand over her chest.

"God Otto, you scared me. Hold on, okay? Lemme put on something." I smiled and she attempted to smile back, but the fat lip got in the way. She came back out in a few minutes only in a blue tank top and short striped blue shorts. I glanced at her legs and her thighs were bruised and underneath the purple, bruised skin were scars. It looked as if it was starless over and over again. She sat down on her bed and shoved something under it. "What's on your mind?" I finally looked at her face, it was painful to look at. Her lip was huge on one side and on the other side her face was madly bruised. The mixture of purple with a tint of black covered the whole side of her face. I reached over to touch her face and she flinched and moved back a little. "Otto, dont."

"Bran, I don't know what to say about it." I sighed and hunched over a bit.

"Hm, how about that you are sorry? I think that might help a little, or telling me why the hell you would do that." She looked up at me again, confused.

"I saw you kissing him." I looked down at my hands and then back up to her.

"You were jealous that HE kissed ME? It wasn't like that Otto, you have no idea what went on in there." She frowned and stood up revealing the bruise on her thigh once more.

"Fine, then tell me. What went on in there, Brandi? Why don't you tell me you fucking slut." She reached up and slapped me. My hands scrunched into fists once more, and I punched her in the face. The blow of the punch knocked her onto her back as she groaned in pain. I froze and realized what I had done. Her hands immediately went straight to her nose, which i'm pretty sure was broken.

"What the fuck, Otto?" She sobbed, touching her nose and flinching in pain again. I grabbed her arm and the towel she had used from the shower and helped her down the stairs. I helped her into her dad's old car in the garage and opened it. My hands started to shake as I drove her to the hospital in silence. Why do I keep doing this? She kept glaring at me. Whenever I would make a sudden movement, she would flinch. I don't want her to be afraid of me. When Ray finds out he will surely kill me...

We finally pulled up to the hospital. I got out of the car and sprinted to the other side. Opening the door, she didn't take my hand that I had offered out to her. I slammed the door and she screamed again. I whipped around and realized that I slammed the car door on her hand. I quickly jumped to release her hand.

"Otto, just leave me the fuck alone. Okay?" She snatched the keys out of my hand and started to walk away, holding the bloody towel up to her nose. I grabbed her arm and she turned around and slapped me again. "I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" She screamed and stormed off to the entrance of the hospital. This will not go over well...


	12. In That Dark and Dreary Room

**Lars's POV**

Twist smiled at me and returned to his seat. I don't care that we were sitting in silence, as long as he was here. It was a comforting feeling to know he was there. I glanced back to him as he sunk into his chair to relax. He was messing with the box in his hand and kept switching the box between his hands. We haven't talked about Matt leaving us since his funeral. We are going to have to talk about him sooner or later, seeing as Izzy, his fiancee is having the baby next month. He flicked the box open and took out the guitar pick. The small green piece of plasic was so slick.

"Lars, do you think that he is watching us?" Twister yelped out, I could tell he was holding back tears and exploding emotion. I reached for the handle next to me and raised my bed so i could sit up. It slowly moved me up and I could feel the pain in my stomach and chest. It was a stinging feeling, they said it would happen..

"Yeah, I do." Mom always told us that anyone who dies watched out for us. She said the same thing happened with Gran Dad. She prayed to him a few times and she told us the story about how my Gran had went into surgery and almost didn't make it. She swears that he was watching over her the whole time.

"I prayed to him, Lars." He whispered, and fought more to hold back the tears. "I prayed that you would stop cutting. I knew, Lars. The whole time, don't think I didn't." He let go and tears started pouring down his cheeks. His sobs made it hard to understand what he was saying. "You don't understand how much it hurt me, to watch you come down in the morning with your arms sliced and you are the only one who notices." A pang of guilt surged through me. "They know those were self inflicted, Lars. I begged them not to tell mom and dad, but they said you still need to talk to a shrink." He calmed down a little, from looking at my stern face. Twister wiped his eyes and sunk back into his chair.

"Twist, I dont know how to explain this. You know how I made you spend the night at Otto's a month ago?" He raised his eyebrows in confusion, but nodded. "Alright, well I found out that day that Dad is cheating on mom with his secretary." He gasped, but listened more attentively. "Well, that night he was drunk and was going to beat the shit out of mom, but I got in his way. He tried hitting her, but I hit him first and he threatened to ship me off. He was drunk, so he doesn't remember much." He leaned forward.

"I don't get what that has to do with cutting yourself, though." He grimaced, and I returned his question with a smile.

"Twist, Dad is a bitch. I've been depressed lately and he made it so much worse. He's been threatning to leave mom and us since I found out." He gasped again and fell back into his chair.

"Should we tell-" Twist was interrupted by footsteps outside the door. Our heads both shot in the direction to see Nikkie.

"Hey guys." She smiled and tucked a small strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

"What are you doing here, Nik?" Twister asked, but he was delighted to see her.

"I thought that I would visit my friends. You and Bran." Our eyebrows raised in unison as she said Bran. Brandi is in the hospital?

"Wait. Brandi is in the hospital?" I looked to Twist with fear. Did Otto really hit her that hard?

"Her nose and hand are broken, her face is bruised too. She's not talking about it, though." She sat down next to Twist and glanced from me to him. "What?" I frowned and shifted in my seat.

"Nobody told you?" I asked, and then figured that was a stupid question. Reggie probably doesn't know, and Otto wouldn't tell her what he did. She shook her head, letting a few more strands of hair drop into her face. Frustrated, she pushed them back again and then looked at me.

"I'm going to kill him." I whispered in anger. Why would he break her nose and hand too? What the hell is wrong with him. "I gotta see her. I have to apologize." My head was spinning with the worst thoughts imagineable. What else did he do to her? Why would hit hit her again? I leaned forward to get up and Nikkie and Twister jumped forward.

"Lars, no! You have to stay here. You can't leave." Twister was stern. He was putting his foot down.

"Twist, you don't understand! I have to tell her something. I do. Please just let me-" I tried to get up but his arm held me down.

"No, Lars. You are staying here, okay? She will be fine. I promise." I laid back down and pouted. I have to tell her. It's my fault she was hit in the first place... He looked at me and let out a chuckle. "I don't think i've ever seen you pout before."He sighed. "Lars, I can check on her, but that's all I can do, okay?" I nodded and he got up to meet my demands. He got to the door and looked back at Nikkie.

"Room 549" She breathed and sat in Twister's chair as he left. "So how's the pain?" I examined the tubes insterted into my arms.

"It's not bad, i guess. Just my stomach and chest, when I move." Her smile lit up the room. Her eyes could tell it all. They were a greyish pale green, but so piercing. With her eyeliner it exaggerated her eye color, but it was nice.

"So can I ask you something?" She lifted up her glasses from the tip of her nose and inhaled. I looked to her and nodded. What could she possibly want to know? It took her a minute to respond. She couldn't find the words.

"Yes?" I asked, trying to hurry up the process a little. She put up her index finger and then slowly put it down.

"I guess what i'm trying to ask is why. Why did you do this to yourself, Lars?" She frowned and her eyes slowly lowered to the floor.

"I- I've been depressed for awhile now, Nik. I guess, I don't know. Too much stress? Maybe that was it." I honestly could not explain why. I know I was unhappy, but that is not a reason. Her flip flops clicked onto the seat as she kicked her feet. The room was silent, all except the beeping of the machine and her flip flop clicks. It remained that way for what seemed like forever, until Twister emerged in the door. He looked at Nikkie and notioned for her to come out in the hallway. She slid off the seat and pattered her way into the hall. All I heard were a few whispers and a gasp.


	13. It's so unreal

**Nikkie's POV**

Sitting there with Lars was comforting, I knew the silence wouldn't be akward because neither of us would know what to say. Not being forced to talk is a good feeling, so I enjoyed the silence. In the quiet room many thoughts came to my mind. Why would he be stressed? Did he have those cuts before? A million things filled my head at once, this is just torture. I kept glancing towards the door hoping to get my racing mind off the subject. Finally, Twist showed up at the door and aknowledged me to come in the hall. Smiling and relieved, I walked into the hall. His face was grave, there was no happiness embedded at all. He pulled me an inch away from the door.

"Brandi, isn't doing so well. Otto hit her nose and the bone in her nose is close to her brain. They need to operate now." I gasped and my hands started to shake as I took in what was happening. Twist looked down and then examined my face. How could Otto do this? He was never like this before. What went wrong?

"Umm-" I started off, but there were no words to come out. What were we going to to tell Lars? Twister glanced at the room and pulled me a little bit further from it.

"We have to lie to him, you know." He scratched his nose and returned his hand to his side. He looked just like Lars when he was serious.

"Why? I mean, can't we just tell him what's going on?" I can't lie to Lars, he is one of my closest friends... I can't do this to him.

"He thinks that Otto hitting her is all his fault, if we tell her she's going into surgery, he will lose it. Do you understand?" I nodded and he started to retreat back to Lars's room. He turned and looked at me again. "Please, just follow my lead, okay? I can't do it alone." I nodded again and he entered the room with a grimace. I followed behind him and plopped into a chair.

"How is she, bro?" He asked, slightly twiddling his thumbs but then gave up and put his hands to his sides. Twister sighed and got ready for this juicy little white lie.

"She's good. She's sleeping right now. The nurse said if shes feeling up to it, you can go see her later." He smiled and sat next to me. I nodded and looked to Lars. He was content with this response. I can't believe he believed it. I took out my phone and typed in Sam's name. I don't know if he knows yet. I texted Sam and told him about Brandi and Lars. He immediately responded with be there in 5 minutes.

**Reggie's POV**

_It starts with  
One thing __I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme  
To explain in due time  
All I know  
time is a valuable thing  
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings  
Watch it count down to the end of the day  
The clock ticks life away_

Sitting in Raymundo's car, I debated whether I should take this deal or not. I've never done heroin, but I have smoked pot before. Veronica peeked out of the window and opened the door. She notioned for me to come in. I shut off the car and carefully placed the keys in my pocket. She smiled and opened the door once I got to the patio.

"I knew you would take me up on my offer." She grinned and led me to the basement. She lived with two of her friends, who also sell. She unwrapped two already set up needles, they were full of heroin. "First timer?" As I nodded she smiled even wider. I searced for an arm band and successfully found one on the table behind Veronica. I tied it on my upper arm and she flashed her teeth. "You ready?"

_It's so unreal  
Didn't look out below  
Watch the time go right out the window  
Trying to hold on / but didn't even know  
Wasted it all just to  
Watch you go  
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart  
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried  
so hard_

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but couldn't. I slowly nodded again. "Hit me." James walked down the stairs, shook his head, and wobbled back up the stairs.

"One." She counted. I could feel my pulse rise with every intake of breath. "Two." She continued. Would I be able to do this? "Three." She slammed the needle in my arm as I flinched.

_I've put my trust in you  
Pushed as far as I can go  
And for all this  
There's only one thing you should know  
I've put my trust in you  
Pushed as far as I can go  
And for all this  
There's only one thing you should know  
I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter_

There was a sudden burst of adrenaline within minutes. This shit was better than pot. I smiled as Veronica 'shot up', so we could be high together. This was one of the best feelings ever. James hobbled down the stairs and walked over to Veronica.

"Veronica, do you think you should be getting her hooked on this stuff? Look how Todd turned out, dude." She playfully smacked him and glanced over to me.

"James, it's all good. Reg can take it. She's more of a man than you." She laughed and he stormed up the stairs. I couldn't help but laugh, just the sound of laughter sounds funny to me.

_Things aren't the way they were before  
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore  
Not that you knew me back then  
But it all comes back to me  
In the end_

My world was spinning, but it felt great. If only I could face Otto like this, I could win every time. I giggled as I glanced around the room and watched everything change colors. This is the best day of my life.


	14. Working over some thoughts

**Sam's POV**

My phone vibrated in my pocket as I served two customers their burgers. Tito's burgers were being close to a tourist attraction, they were so delicious. I laughed to myself thinking Reg was calling me to cover her shift, in five minutes. I retreated to the kitchen, hoping to catch a quick glance at my cell phone before any customer needed me. Setting down an empty plate, I slid into the break room and checked the missed alert. It was a text message. It wasn't from Reg either. Hastily, I ripped open my cell and read its contents. My jaw clenched immediately.

'911, Bran and Lars are in the hospital, Idk if Brans goin to make it...' I attempted to loosen up my jaw a little, but it had not budged, I swear I was going to shatter my teeth. I glared at the cell phone in horror, how had this happened? I looked up to Tito and he knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong, lil cuz?" He grinned and looked down for a moment to adjust his aprin against his wide stomach. I shoved my phone to him as he read the text carefully. He gasped and looked up with the same reaction I had a moment ago. "Why, uh, don't you just go while I cover here, okay?" He grimaced and gingerly handed the phone back to me. I threw my aprin down and sprinted out the door. How could this have happened? I grabbed Otto's "emergency board" that he left on the other side of the shack, just incase. He wouldn't mind if I borrowed it today, at least. I hopped onto it and skate boarded as fast as I could to the hospital. Snapping the board up to my hands, I wiped the persperation off my forehead and took a deep breath. I glanced up at the sign and shuddered at the memories of my trips to the hospital. Remembering all of those hard nights hoping and praying that my mom would wake up from her coma. All of the tears shed at the foot of her bed... My lower lip quivered, fighting back the memories that made me want to break down again. I sighed and pulled myself back together. Come on Sam... You can do this. Breath in and out. Good. Now go inside. Pep talks just might make me move..

Slowly, I placed one foot in front of the other, trying not to be a clumsy fool and get laughed at. Suddenly arms flew around my neck, followed with deep sobs. I placed my hand over the back of her head and comforted her. It was Nikkie.

"What's wrong?" I whispered into her ear, only to get muffled sobs in return. I attempted to calm her down, but it took a minute for her to compose herself. She pulled away from me, her hazel eyes glittering from the tears. She walked towards the elevator and pressed the up button, we proceeded in silence. It was finally when we were to the floor she sighed and looked at me.

"I lied to Lars." I frowned, not understanding what she meant at first. She sighed again and continued. "I lied to him about Brandi. Otto beat the hell out of her, and I told him that she's fine and she's not. She's going into surgery and I-" Her voice was in hysterics, and I flinched at the thought of Otto hitting Bran. I placed my finger carefully on her trembling lips, she doesn't need to go crazy too, like Otto must have. I reached out my arms for her to take the chance to embrace them. This might calm her. A hug might be all she needed. I grinned and patted her hair.

"Is this his room?" I quietly spoke into her ear again. I could feel her small nod and the fast beat of her heart. It accelerated as I was pulling away from her. She didn't want to go in there. But she had to face him some time or another. We entered the room, she was clenching onto my wrist as I tugged her into the pale scenery. Lars gently snored on the bed with Twister in the chair next to him breathing heavily. I glanced to each of their faces, I don't think an earthquake could wake the Rodriguez brothers. I smiled and this thought and Nikkie released my wrist. She seemed a little less tense now and strode over the the unoccupied chair. I heard a subtle throat clearing in the hall and my head shot up to a small, but plump man. His face was unshaved, the little black hairs blended in perfectly with his moustache, beard and side burns. His weary smile revealed two small dimples on his tanned cheeks. His eyebrows were raised in confusion as he stared back at me. He wasn't to sure of who I was, and I had no clue of this man's identity. Nikkie's head bobbed up to reveal a wide grin.

"Bob!" She squealed and ran to him. Bob... Who was this man? I was going over the name in my head. Lars didn't know anyone named Bob. Perhaps Robert? I'm not sure. She quickly hugged him and returned to her chair. Twister peeked through his eyes and smugly smiled. He wasn't too fond of this man, but he knew him. He had the familiarity in his eyes. Twister opened his eyes fully and nodded towards the unknown man.

"Bob." He said, I'm guessing he was attempting to be polite. Bob nodded back and leaned against the door frame. I looked over his face at least 7 times and tried to figure out who this man was. It was killing me! I couldn't figure out who he looked like. He looked nothing like Nikkie, but he resembled someone I knew. I glanced at him again, finally noticing something new, his distinct chin. I knew that chin from anywhere! It was a small chin, that bearly poked out, but it blended in normally with his face. His chin was exactly like Brandi's! This must be her father. I'd never met the man before. His eyes flickered around the room and then finally rested on Nikkie. She grimaced and her eyes lowered to the briefcase in his hands. He must be a businessman. Who else would dress in a fricken suit in Cali? He must have been on a trip, that would explain why he wasn't here with her sooner. He parted his lips to speak, but nothing came out. I walked over to the door frame. He must be worried about her. I toned my voice down so Lars wouldn't hear, even if he was dead asleep.

"She, um, she's in surgery right now, they can't really tell us anything. We aren't her guardian or parent so they can't say anything." He grimly nodded and turned away from me. "Where are you going?" My voice cracked as he stepped away.

"I have to go back to work." His voice was low, almost heartless it sounded. How could he go back to work not knowing if she was okay or not? This was driving me insane. I walked after him and Nikkie sprang to her feet. She grabbed my arm in a protective manner.

"Let him go, Sam. Work is how he deals with this stuff." She pulled me back into the room. How can he just leave her like that?

"I _hate _him." Twister scowled at the door and turned away to Lars. "That was his excuse too, when she used to get beat up by her fucking uncle. Uhhg. I just HATE him." Twister clenched his hands into fists. Wait what? She used to get beat by her uncle? I frowned at this thought and cringed. How could anybody hurt her?


	15. Nothing can touch me

**Reggie's POV**

I smiled to Veronica as she slept. Her small delicate features were quite admirable. Her pale cheeks were flushed, and beaded with sweat. On her face, her black, straight, hair was matted to it from the warm sweat. It gently dripped down her face, but she was still beautiful. Her piercing eyes were a great feature too. I could see why James asked her to marry him. Besides her beauty, she was a riot to be around. Always keeping the room on their toes, not knowing what she will do next. She never seemed this serene. I was tired, but I knew I couldn't sleep feeling this good, unlike Veronica, who had done this many times before. I attempted to get back on my feet, but everytime I did the colors would rush back. The colors filled every orphis of the room, changing like the northern lights. Every color of the rainbow flooded into my eyes and head, it was much like a trippy music video, but it was real. It was fun at first, but then I got dizzy, so I fell back down again, onto the floor. I glanced back to her and saw the sweet smile on her face, it was comforting to know that someone was actually here for me, unlike Otto and all of my other friends. I laid my head back and rested it against the carpet. The carpet was usually hard, and difficult to sleep on, but it suddenly felt so soft to me, and my eyes became heavy. I don't feel like sleeping, but I yawned anyways. My eyes slowly closed as I tried to fight the sleep ahead; A rush of euphoria came to my mind, I could sleep. I should sleep; This is the perfect way to sleep. Smiling, I didn't fight back, but accepted the sleep, and fell right into a dream. I knew it was a dream, the colors werent the same, and I could see everything perfectly clear, without the cloudiness.

_I'm safe up high,  
Nothing can touch me  
Why do I feel this party's over?  
No pain inside  
You're my protection  
But how do I feel this good sober?_

Otto's angry face appeared in my dream, he was hitting Brandi. She was terrified in the corner, trying to back out of it, but he wouldnt let her escape. He brought up his fist and punched her square in the face multiple times. I could hear her cries for help, but I couldn't move. I looked up at him in horror, but he continued to hit her until she was silent. Blood filled the air, I could smell it. He wiped the blood from his hands to his t-shirt and pointed to me.

"Reg, you tell anyone then you are next. Leave her there, touch her and you know what happens." He glared at me, I could see the fire in his eyes; The anger that rippled beneath his eyes and came from the core. Why was he this angry? Tears slid down my cheeks as I tried not to make noise for him to notice, leaving Brandi and I alone. He slammed the door as I ran over to her and slowly lifted her head. Blood covered her tanned face, I wouldnt be able to recognize her if i hadnt been there before. Her eyes weakly opened as she looked at me. Her eyes were screaming with emotions; Fear, horror, sadness, and hurt, I wanted to help her so much. Her eyes widened as she looked behind me, but she couldn't talk, she couldn't move. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Otto gripping onto the door frame, a small kitchen knife in hand. "What are you doin'? I thought I asked you to leave her alone?" He said in monotone. Otto really was going crazy. I frowned and looked back at her. His face twisted as he ran at me with the knife. All I heard was Brandi's blood curdling scream and a sharp pain in my stomach.

_When it's good, then it's good  
It's all good 'till it goes bad  
'Till you try to find the you that you once had  
I have heard myself cry, never again!  
Broken down in agony  
Just trying to find a friend  
Ohhh_

I forced myself awake, frantically glancing around the room, panting. I tried to regulate my breathing, but nothing helped. The room was dark and Veronica stood, leaning against the door. The look on her face was odd. She was confused. I could tell the high was gone, I felt unusually exhausted.

"Are you okay?" She peeped, trying to make sure I was awake. I nodded as she approached to get a closer look at my face. "I tried waking you up and you freaked. I was trying to tell you your dad called." She was quiet. I don't understand why she was this quiet, she never was. Even when she was upset, she was still the loud Veronica I knew. "Bad dream?" She almost sounded motherly at the time. I recounted the terrible images in my head of Otto hitting Brandi and threatning my life. I merely nodded again, choking back the words and emotions in my throat, which was extremely dry. She picked up my phone off the table and handed it to me, 5 texts and one missed call. "Reg, you really scared me in your sleep." I looked away from my phone and gazed at her.

"Why?" I asked. My voice was hoarse, I needed water soon. She sat down next to me and thought back for a minute. She didn't look the same as she did yesterday. She was no longer sweating, and her hair was up into a pony tail, it was tame. She then paused and heard footsteps on the stair case. It must be James.

_I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence..  
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth  
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation  
'Cause I won't remember, save your breath 'cause what's the use?_

He entered the room and grabbed a soda out of the fridge. He was quiet too. Why was everyone so quiet around me right now? I want answers! She waited for him to leave the room, why did this feel like it was at least three hours before he left? She glanced at me again and began to speak.

_Ahhhh-Ahhh, the sun is blinding  
I stayed up again  
Oh, I'm finding  
That's not the way I want my story to end_

"You were-, I can't really explain it. You were laughing at one point and then you were screaming and crying. I didn't understand it. I wasn't sure if you were in pain, because it was your first time, or if it was just a dream. You had me worried." Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. "James said it was probably the heroin and I didn't want to take you to the hospital just incase it wasn't. I honestly didn't know what to do." Her voice trailed off as James came back down stairs again and handed me a glass of water.

"Thanks James." I said, god my voice sounded like sandpaper scraping against metal. I gulped down the glass and set it down next to me. I prepared for a speech to say no I was fine, it was just a dream, but nothing really came out. I tried again and took another gulp out of the glass. "It was just a dream." She smiled and looked to James.

"See, I told you!" She squealed in delight and hugged me. She squeezed her arms around me tight, I wish she wouldn't have. I broke free from her grasp and threw up on the carpet. She jumped and backed away from me. I could feel the cold sweat return to my forehead as I gasped for air inbetween vomits. James ran upstairs and immediately returned with a bucket. After at least a half hour, I finally had stopped. I was well enough to glance at my cell. The one missed call was from Ray. There were two texts from Nikkie, a text from Twister, a text from Ray, and the last one was from Otto. At first glance, I knew which to open first, I opened Otto's text. It said "Dad is goin to kill me..." My jaw dropped. Why? What did he do this time? What could be worse than him hitting Bran? My fingers grazed the back button as I read the rest. Nikkie's were saying Brandi was in surgery and they don't know if she'll make it. Twister's said they needed my support there. Ray asked me where I was with his car, and where Otto was. I knew where he was, he sure as hell wasnt home if Brandi is in the hospital.


	16. Memories

**Otto's POV**

_(When this began)  
I had nothing to say  
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me  
(I was confused)  
And I let it all out to find  
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind  
(Inside of me)  
But all the vacancy the words revealed  
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel  
(Nothing to lose)  
Just stuck/ hollow and alone  
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own  
_

I waited in the corner of the lobby for some time. I knew who was there because I had gone upstairs and peeked in the rooms. I, of course, was a wimp and came back downstairs. I had nothing to say. The whole gang is basically in the hospital. There was Twister, he was upstairs with Nikkie, Sam and Lars. All of them sitting there in silence as Lars's snores grew louder and louder. Reggie was nowhere to be seen. I haven't seen her in awhile. Then there was Bran. She was upstairs, with nobody there. Her glistening pale face reflected from a pillow to the doorway. She was so pale. Her breathing came easy through her mouth. I want to see her, but i bet that she doesn't want me there. I really didn't mean to hit her, I didn't. I don't know why I even did it. She just got me so angry when she slapped me. It didn't even hurt. I sighed as I stepped out of the corner and pressed the up button on the elevator. I really should go see her and apologize, I just can't find the words express it.

_And I've got nothing to say  
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face  
(I was confused) _

The elevator opened in front of me as people poured out from it, half of them barely noticing my existence, just passing by as if I'm invisible. I stepped inside the elevator and pressed the button to Lars's floor. Maybe I should talk to Twist before I go up to see her. He is my best friend, he should have something to say, because I sure as hell don't. My legs felt heavy, like I couldn't move. Before the door closed two people stepped in. The girl had silent tears rolling down her cheeks, she must have been at least 10. Her perfect brown hair rested in curls that bearly reached her shoulders, her pale white skin much resembled paste with the exception of a few freckles on her cheeks. The man stood next to her, almost motionless fighting back tears of his own. Tall and a little chubby, he stood at least six foot four. I was about his height, almost eye level. Her gaze fixed on me instead of the door as she gripped the man's hand tighter. I couldn't help but think of Reggie and my dad as my mom died. Reggie wasn't this old when she died, but she was older than me. She can actually remember it. I frowned and forced myself to face forward. I don't need to think of this, push it out of your head, Otto. Why did this elevator ride seem to take forever?

_Looking everywhere only to find  
That it's not the way I imagined it all in my mind (So I implied)  
Do I have the negativity?  
Cause I can't justify my way when everyone is looking at me (nothing to lose)  
Nothing but game, how I went along  
And the fault is my own, and the fall is just my own_

I could feel her burning eyes still on me, the innocent blue grey mix filled with pools of tears. The man cleared his throat and shifted his weight, I could hear his hand touch the metal siding. Closing my eyes, I tried to think of something else, but the images that came to mind were horrific. All I kept seeing was Brandi, and her twisted face of agony when I broke her nose. A small beep interrupted this nightmare, and my eyes shot open. The man and girl were already out the door, the girl clasping to his hand with both of hers. I hurried out the door and searched hastily for Lars's door. I stopped in the adjacent hall from his doorway and leaned against the wall. Leaning against the wall, I closed my eyes again. The images that floated past were a little more plesant this time. Smiling at the sand castle Reggie, Twister and I made as Ray took a picture of our happy, worry-free lives. How I wish to have those days back. The days of when things were less complicated. I rubbed my fingers against my eyes, afraid to lose the image that was burned into my memory along with a few not so plesant ones. I sighed again and lifted myself from the wall. Time to pick up these complicated pieces...

_I will never know myself until I do this on my own  
And I will never feel, anything else until my wounds are healed  
I will never make anything until I break away from me  
I will break away, and find myself today_

Agonizing with each step I took with my cement shoes, I slowly inched towards the door filled with my closest friends. How do I go about this? Do I just walk right in or do I try and get Twister's attention? Grazing my fingers against my eyes once again, I wanted to imagine something happy. I tried and tried but the memories were blank. My feet shuffled, not wanting to lift themselves from the heavy blocks that weighed them down. I peered through the door, like I did before and Twister was already standing in the frame. His eyes rested on me as he examined the mess that I actually was. He was reading me, he knew what I was thinking. He walked out of the room and notioned for me to follow. What would be ahead? Would he forgive me, or would he shun me like the rest probably would?

He grinned at me and held his hands closely to his sides. Why was he so tense? I attempted to smile back, but all I could force out was a grimace. We stopped short at the end of the hall, his hands now clenched into fists. Carefully, I leaned against the wall in fear that he might try and hit me.

"Otto," He began, and inhaled deeply. "What happened?" I sighed, at least he was going to listen to my side. Sliding down the wall to a sitting stance, he sat down next to me and listened to the entire story. The whole time he was silent, still with his hands balled into fists.


End file.
